Renewal Tour of Duty Part II

This story is carried forward from Renewal tour of duty.
by Paul Newell, www.GreenRecovery.org

As Jon comes to his conclusion. I am already thinking of the most effective type of Green Recovery program for Jon.

Regardless, the slightest of sound, sound travels. And with sound, travels vibration. These vibrations are real. Allowing these vibrations to reverb is to allow a release  of spent energy. Spent energy must be released And with any action there has to be a reaction. This reaction cannot be suppressed. I could surely feel these vibrations. Although Jon in the event had indeed followed the orders that had been given him. His actions may have cut even shorter a life that was surely lost already. At the same time it was those same actions that had spared four other personel the same fate. As he concluded he sunk back into his chair and released heavy sigh and fell silent. I was exhausted as well with that. So we just sat for a few minutes feeling the heat of the burned down wood. The rest of the world just kept spinning with all its glory, leaving us in its wake, and seemingly frozen in time.

"Jon I am awfully sorry that you’ve had to go through these circumstances in your life. And I am glad that you feel trust in me to tell of them. I know that you would like to deal with your feelings and your trauma that’s why you’re here. You have already started this process by expressing yourself this way…

So there is a lot more then just expressing it. Understanding some of the more important details for your own safety is vital. Tonight, Jon, this is weighing on you. But tonight I would like you to rest easy knowing that there are others who would like to help you in dealing with that weight."

"Thanks Paul. I do appreciate it."

"OK so I’m pretty exhausted, Jon. Shall we call it?"

"Yeah, let’s do that Paul."

Within a few minutes we were both wearily getting up and slowly moving towards night shelter.

After cleaning the camp it was a time for bed. Now crashing out here is like no other. Because feeling the effects of the earth’s movement is like being rocked in Mother Nature’s cradle. If you don’t think so, just try it. And not hearing the sounds of sirens and buses. A door bell or a phone, TV, DVD, people, etc. Eliminating as many distractions as possible for the Veteran, is eliminating as many obstacles that would other wise be strewn about their path of recovery from a traumatic event.

When you sleep well waking hour seems to come quicker.

The sun is up and is bearing on the dome at a low angle so it has heated up the area to that perfect morning sun feeling. The java is always my #1 priority in the am: so I swing out of my cot slip on some foot wear And head to my stove. With coffee on I set to washing my face and brushing my teeth.

Once done I’m ready for the day. Bring it on Lord. It’s an expression that my inner brain uses almost each morning. Well I’ve been here before so I know that Jon is going to keep sleeping like a rock until probably 11:00 or so maybe more. And that’s just what any bright doctor would order. It’s brilliantly clear this morning you can tell it’s going to scorch later. I love to take advantage of the morning sun so I go for the coffee and set my chair in just the right spot.

Nature just seems to know how to do everything right. There’s no need for the morning paper out here. No TV news reports. All the news here is brought via morning songbirds and the sounds of the beautiful robin. There are some other critters putting in their two cents as well. But all is welcome because it is the sweetest news ever to be carried over the airwaves. As I was sitting and enjoying my surroundings. I started to try to think of what it would be like to be Jon. Projecting thought in a vicarious way…… 

Yea though I Travel to the Solitude of my Being

I am a Soldier. I have soldiered diligently. I have soldiered honorably. Though I have traveled the inroads of war, and the back allies of unknown battles, diligently and honorably.

I am not with out flaw or Fail. Should you cast subjection upon me, should you also dwell in a round house made of stone?

A soldier’s life is but a life of trust. Trust in the structure of command. It is for this trust that a soldier will obey a command. This trust that supports the belief in superior knowledge. This trust supports the belief that superior knowledge is necessarily educated for maximum favorable results. Under trial and tribulation will a soldier maintain security, to their last living breath will a soldier stand by on their watch. All pending and based on this living breathing trust. In the end for some, this trust will only lead to certain death and the most tragic events witnessed or executed. For others this trust will lead to a shattered soul that will long for healing the way parched sand is puckered to kiss the preceding rain.

If ever there has been a need to heal the soul it is now.

Now that the trust has been breached and the seal of worthiness is gone. (“The Worthiness of My Trust”) Where shall I go now? Where shall I seal my trust now? 

My duties fulfilled, my tours complete.  What have you for this battle weary Soldier and broken soul now? I see not a sturdy post to lean upon. Nor a inviting seat to set upon. For I have been shattered to my core. My energies depleted. I seek refuge from my storm. Does the earth become my bride, if I should be striped of all, but pride?

No, I am free to walk anywhere. I am free to speak my mind.

Therefore I shall travel the road of solitude to the center of my own being. It is there within my being that I will seek the new and real trust. Trust in myself and trust in the being of my solitude. For the trust that I have given others is the trust that I shall now afford myself. I shall seek within to find the structured faith that is the seal of worthiness. It is deliverance that I need. Yet patience that I will have to accept.

Walking the path of solitude is the most honorable way to meet yourself in the truest of spirit. It is at the center of solitude where I will find safe passage. And from the center that I shall be protected on all fronts. And it is there at that center that I shall conduct all measures and matters pertaining to the well being of my existence. I must make this journey for the sake of my sanity. Also for those whom I love I must seek the ability to afford them the same dignity with which I left them. This is not an easy road I seek but a necessary path of healing rite. For it is a peculiarity of man that he can better endure almost any other condition than that of solitude.

I am a prisoner of war’s byproduct. Do not forget me.  For I shall not wane, steadfast is how I shall remain. I will wait, wait on the edge for a closer glance at freedom. 

Nurtured Solitude is a key component on the road of recovery.  
A man who goes to war, shall enter upon God’s gate first.
You are blessed by all.
You are loved by all.
 
Sincerely
Paul Newell
Founder/coordinator
www.greenrecovery.org
paul@greenrecovery,org

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