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PTSD – The Silent Enemy
PTSD Is Life-long
PTSD – The Silent Enemy
Fear, paranoia, procrastination, self destruction, isolation, depression – I can go on and on with adjectives and descriptions. The feelings are so familiar to so many of us. The disease is insidious. We think the feelings go away, just to find out after days of feeling good, they come right back and kick our ass. For many of us, we might even think we have been cured – months if not years had passed and none of the symptoms had surfaced. Then out of the clear blue – an assault we were not prepared for. An assault against our will, our brain even against our physical being. PTSD is here to stay.
Insidious – an interesting word with several meanings:
–adjective
1.
Intended to entrap or beguile: an insidious plan.
2.
Stealthily treacherous or deceitful: an insidious enemy.
3.
Operating or proceeding in an inconspicuous or seemingly harmless way but actually with grave effect: an insidious disease.
—Synonyms
1. Corrupting. 2. Artful, cunning, wily, subtle, crafty.
As I consider the bowels of PTSD and where it took so many of us, the word insidious remains engraved in my own brain – kind of like a permanent testimony one would find on a gravestone. What also remains carved in that same memory is the VA psychiatrist who looked me up and down, declared that I looked fine to him, welcomed me back home, and off I was sent to face civilian life like some abandoned child left to fend for himself in some very dark horror story. What the heck was going on? Am I really ok and should I really be jumping like a crazed lunatic every time a I hear a loud noise or when I wake up drenched in sweat from another sleepless night filled with nightmares? The next 35 years, for this Marine, would be filled with experiences only my brothers and sisters who suffer the same will even vaguely recognize.
Addiction, alcoholism, failed marriages, failures as a parent, on and on. Homelessness. Yes, PTSD takes no prisoners and does not discriminate. PTSD has each of us in its crosshairs, gently squeezes the trigger, and successfully kills. We are all victims, in my opinion. Some of us can cope (we think we can) others die trying. Others are successfully treated just to find after they feel they are cured, PTSD was waiting for them to declare victory – just to relapse once again into any one of hundreds of possible scenarios that will take them hostage once again.
Post-traumatic stress disorder
Wikipedia defines it this way:
Post-traumatic stress disorder (also known as post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD) is a severe anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to any event that results in psychological trauma. This event may involve the threat of death to oneself or to someone else, or to one’s own or someone else’s physical, sexual, or psychological integrity, overwhelming the individual’s ability to cope. As an effect of psychological trauma, PTSD is less frequent and more enduring than the more commonly seen acute stress response.
Diagnostic symptoms for PTSD include re-experiencing the original trauma(s) through flashbacks or nightmares, avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma, and increased arousal – such as difficulty falling or staying asleep, anger, and hyper-vigilance. Formal diagnostic criteria (both DSM-IV-TR and ICD-9) require that the symptoms last more than one month and cause significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
Post-traumatic stress disorder is classified as an anxiety disorder, characterized by aversive anxiety-related experiences, behaviors, and physiological responses that develop after exposure to a psychologically traumatic event (sometimes months after). Its features persist for longer than 30 days, which distinguishes it from the briefer acute stress disorder. These persisting posttraumatic stress symptoms cause significant disruptions of one or more important areas of life function. It has three sub-forms: acute, chronic, and delayed-onset.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posttraumatic_stress_disorder
Being the son and nephew of World War II veterans, dad and my uncles referred to it as “shell shock” and “battle fatigue”. This is sometimes argued but let’s not mince words – whatever labels the government and society decides to call it, PTSD is clearly a severe anxiety disorder responsible for the disruption and destruction of millions of lives – yes, the collateral damage adds to the numbers.
Military and Combat
As mentioned in the description above, it’s not just military or combat veterans who are at risk and end up as victims. Anyone subject to the threat of death to oneself or to someone else, or to one’s own or someone else’s physical, sexual, or psychological integrity, overwhelming the individual’s ability to cope could become a victim of PTSD.
To all who suffer from it, we know that it hides and we receive false hopes that we might be cured. I am in no way bringing news of doom and gloom – rather I am bringing news of reality. We must seek help and we must continue for most if not all of our natural lives, the therapy as well as any and all other prescribed advice and treatment so we have the ability to live as close to normal as we can.
9-01-01
As I write this piece, I cannot help but be aware of the date today – September 6, 2010. We are 5 days away from the 9th anniversary of that tragic event of 9-11-01. Will those victims who survived cope as I hope they can? Will those of us who are victims of multiple events cope as I hope we will?
The events of my past are so vivid – most, from the tragic past. But certainly some of the beautiful past as well – the birth of my daughter, for example. Etched in a forever beauty that I will never forget. But why does the good not outweigh the bad? Why does the negative outweigh the positive? For me, I have struggled with this exact topic my entire life – yes, my life. This is not about “poor me”, it is about helping others who are in much more dire condition. I describe what I go through with the hope that there is someone who might have advice, might have a recommendation.
911, for example, is etched in my mind so vividly and as vividly as so many other tragic events. But of course there were in fact several joyous events in my life as well. Could it be that the negative does outweigh the positive and it simply boils down to that? To simple psychological arithmetic? A scorecard of sorts with the negatives wining? I remember watching one of the Towers burn during the live coverage just to see the second jet strike. But I also was in the delivery room to see my little girl come into this world years earlier. Was it the bombardment of media? The feeling of vulnerability? The helplessness? The lives lost? What about that beautiful birth?
Pre-disposition
There are also theories that many of us are predisposed to certain activities. For example, some of us have taken the course of alcoholism and/or drug addiction, triggered by (perhaps) a traumatic event such as combat, a sexual assault, a terrorist attack because we might have inherited a gene or we were raised in a family where alcoholism or drug addiction was prevalent.
In my opinion, it matters not – the pain any one of us suffers, triggered by whatever, is no different – predisposed or not. The pain, the suffering, and the collateral damage – it’s all the same.
Suicide
The suicide factor of those who suffer from PTSD is staggering – just one example is this: At the time the US lost 761 combat troops in Afghanistan, 817 combat vets from that same war took their own lives. Unreal? Yes. Sad? Yes. Preventable? In my opinion? Absolutely!
The overall numbers today are, unfortunately, much higher.
I came across this interesting article recently:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ptsd.htm
Here is some of the article:
Suicidal people meet the formal criteria for PTSD. Severe and prolonged suicidal pain is not something that most people suffer. People in suicidal crises feel that they are at the breaking point of what they can cope with. Since 30,000 people die by suicide each year in the United States, it is a condition that poses a serious threat to the loss of life.
In my opinion, this is indeed a crisis – a paradoxical crisis, but a crisis that must be dealt with.
Stigma
As with many emotional and psychological disorders, our society places us in a corner. We are not “normal”. We are labeled and we are shunned. Thank goodness many more of us from recent combat scenarios and traumatic events are being helped – but what about those of us who continue to suffer in silence each and every day because of the pain associated with just waking up and facing another day?
Does any of this sound familiar?
When the phone rang I jumped a little, startled, and nearly shot myself. This would have been ironic because I was holding the pistol in my hand planning to kill myself — but I would have pulled the trigger while it was pointed at my foot rather than my head.
This was in 2005. I was a soldier on active duty. I spent more than 20 years working in places like Kosovo, Rwanda, Afghanistan, Iraq and Darfur. I’ve seen some bad stuff, and somewhere along the way, my brain stopped working right. I have post-traumatic stress disorder and depression.
I remember lying on my cot in my tent in Afghanistan bundled into my sleeping bag, terrified because the dead had come to talk with me. They came every night, wresting me away from a warm, comforting sleep into a series of wretched, tormenting, wide-awake dreams.
On one night, it would be a farmer and his wife burned Bible-black and twisted into hideous shapes who asked, “Do you remember us?” Oh, most certainly. On another, 42 men all shot in the back or in the head and left to die in a rocky ditch on a frozen January morning. “Why didn’t you do more to save us?” they asked. Why, indeed.
The images terrified me mostly because I couldn’t stop them from taking control of my mind. I knew I needed help but I didn’t ask for it because I thought I would be ridiculed, considered weak and cowardly.
In Army culture, especially in the elite unit filled with rangers and paratroopers in which I served, asking for help was showing weakness. My two Bronze Stars, my tours in Airborne and Special Operations units, none of these would matter. To ask for help would be seen as breaking.
To ask for help would be seen as breaking. We are looked upon as “less then”. Certainly by our military peers. Definitely, by society as a whole, as well. Indeed.
Get Help
To each and every one of us, I say, I plea: Get Help!
For us to become useful in our society, heck, to become useful to ourselves and to our families, ask for help.
Please read this article as well:
http://www.veteranjournal.com/ptsd-why-the-stigma/
Also please realize, for the Veterans amongst us, the DVA has made it easier for us to file claims and seek assistance – take advantage of what is rightfully ours.
Welcome home brothers and sisters – you might look fine, but you need help and we are going to make sure you receive it!
Related Posts:
Short URL: http://www.veteranstoday.com/?p=47901
Posted by Chuck Palazzo on Sep 6 2010, With 0 Reads, Filed under Health, PTSD. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
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PTSD is indeed terrific. AND, I’ve been suffering of a severe one as a child, a teen, a woman. I did my best to cope with, and in my opinion, to go through is possible, but requires some knowledge we do not have.
The difficulty I met was related with the adjective you uses “insidious” ; I could ask for help, but at the moment I was in front of the person be totally disconnected from my pain, or overwhelmed by it. When it occured, the other could not help me, because it was too intense, and the time was going on ; when you are overwhelmed by an emotion, and have just the time of the appointment, you face a problem.
By the way, I went through a lot of symptoms. I do not anymore practice self destruction, which has been during years my way to escape my bad memories.
In France, EMDR is considered as the best help. I think it can help really in an acute way to contact the pain, BUT I did not find any person being much than a technician. This requires a lot of empathy.
What helped me the most ?
Body work, I mean for example Pilates (the book of Joseph Pilates : return to life, the videos of classical pilates…) which I practiced with teacher before to do at home. Bikram Yoga too helped me a lot.
AND…my experience is that most of all my memory is located in my body, in my neck (I was very young, things have been recognized, but not all, and it really seems as if someone tried to strangle me), my jaws which can shake and shake and shake…even when I am alone, listen to a music which reminds me…I don’t know what, but my body does).
Today, being really less overwhelmed (it damaged all my life), the next thing I promise myself to do in an aim to cure can look surprising ; I don’t think they are so stupid ; I would like to make a long fast, following all the prescriptions of Shelton’s book. I really think it can help.
Anc clay helps me ; sometimes I put some around my neck. I would really like to find a context in which I could have my all body in clay, once a day, during one, two weeks, I don’t know.
For sure it can be surprising, but when I am again which jaws shaking, it helps.
Bless you, Nicole.
T.
Thanks Chuck. Thanks for the dialogue about PTSD. Forgive me let me add the following.
On a train ride to Zagreb Croatia via Venice Italy April 1994 my cabin mate was a Italian Psychiatrist working for the United Nations. In a conversation with him I took a quiet defensive position when he told me he thought PTSD was worse on Americans, and he continued it had something to do with American culture. I never said anything to refute this, but it did strike a cord and made me think.
What was it about American culture that made PTSD worse if it were the case, as this shrink said. In 1994 Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome PTSD was a Vietnam Veterans disease. This is how PTSD was understood. A disease created by veterans of combat in Vietnam. If this was the case why did it effect American combat veterans differently?
In my world travels I learned Vietnam veterans the world over had the negative tag of being crazy and unpredictable, with bouts of anger. Even in remote areas of Brazil where communication is slow when people learn I am a Vietnam veteran. They know at least in their heads not to screw with me. Our reputation as being extremely unpredictable and loose cannons is imbedded deeply in the minds of the reading watching movies population..
Why is this so I said to myself. Why is it the whole world thinks we are extreme? It is because of the “God Damned” American media, and movies like Rambo, and even Deer Hunter, and the movie famous Apocalypse. If there was even a hint that a criminal doing a bad deed was a Vietnam Veteran it was blasted to the media. Therefore we all had appalling press. I will never forgive the US, or my nation’s media for letting this happen.
After arriving in Zagreb and touring Bosnian refugee camps one thing became clear to me. None of these women who suffered so terribly at the hands of evil people doing evil things seemed out of control and unhappy. Why is this I thought.
It is because they supported each other. It is because they nurtured each other. Even today I will bet Bosnia has low cases of PTSD because of societal support given to trauma victims.
This might piss off some Americans but Vietnam combat caused PTSD, but the American culture made in unbearable to many. I am betting as food for thought us macho combat veterans have more in common with many American rape victims then any other group because of the social shame and isolation.
Archie:
World War I vets had “shell shock”. World War II and Korea it was “Battle Fatigue”. My belief is anyone who experiences combat, especially frequent contacts, must live with the experiences for the rest of their life. I agree that support systems from the Vietnam era were non existent. Walking around a college or university campus as a Vietnam Vet – well, anyone who had the experience knows how unwelcome the Vets were. Vietnam Vets are becoming increasingly rare. Are they still viewed with suspicion and scorn? Any reader that could provide some feedback on this will be appriciated. Also, does the suspicion and scorn that Vietnam Vets have been subjected to complicated PTSD? I wonder why some Vietnam Vets never sought help too? Any reader comments would be very helpful. As most of us know, we are receiving an increasing number of PTSD Vets. We must let them down!
Thank you for your service.
Respectfully
Dale R. Suiter
I have been involved with this issue since 1979 when working with disabled veterans in the then new Disabled Veteran Outreach Program (DVOP program) with the US Department of Labor.
As an early advocate of PTSD getting recognized I met with hostility from many to most combat veterans with the statement that it was an honor to serve in combat and it was my job to get on in my life. I am not sure what honor they were talking about.
Now everyone of these combat veterans are receiving compensation for PTSD or have their claim it. Go figure. But this is what happened.
This is all I am going to say on Post Traumatic Stress disorder.
My opinions only. Some things I have learned in my old age is we all live in an interconnected world with each other. Like it or not I have to live in a world that is bubbling with personalities different then my own.
My happiness depends on how I interact with these bubbling personalities. Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome PTSD in my opinion (notice I said my opinion) is a disease that is caused by a traumatic event in a persons life. It also a disease that “can” isolate us from our surroundings if we do not pay attention.
To recover from this trauma a PTSD victim in my opinion a person needs to keep connected to his or her surrounding friends family and society as a whole. This did not happen with many Vietnam veterans. They went to Vietnam on individual orders, serving their time with a rotation date back to the states individually, and alone to face an ignorant America. An ignorant America who’s culture demanded these returning combat veterans get back into a productive live.
Concerning the stigma “my experience” for a combat veteran to have PTSD from the Vietnam war and maybe earlier (Shell Shock) was considered a weakness of character by the veteran , obviously the US military — a dishonor. That is why “in my opinion” many combat vets were hostile at the thought of getting service connected for PTSD.
Unique to Vietnam veterans from past wars was to have the US media portray Vietnam veterans in a bad light in movies, on the evening news. This only enhanced this image. It exacerbated it, making life intolerable, and in the end encouraging isolation.
An Australian now diseased said the greatest gift America has given the world was not it’s technology or NASA’s science, it was Alcoholics Anonymous or AA. AA is all about keeping in touch with your surroundings, staying connected to people.
When he told me this I was shocked. He said it because people need people. (Vietnam combat veterans avoided people. “They went to places like Alaska to hide out“. People need other people to give balance to their lives. If we live alone like many Vietnam combat veterans did and now some still do life is miserable.
This Australian who is now dead worked for United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) he is about as responsible as anyone for helping World War 2 displaced peoples returning back into their homes connected safely as anyone.
CHUCK:
The lights that shines the brightest is the one that pierces total darkness.
Thanks again for another well documented, thoughtful and inspired piece of journalism. The memoirs haven’t got to the lingering legacy from our involvement in Indochina. Your article will probably cited, with your permission of course, as a resource on the PTSD chapter. Researching the stats on fiscal year 2008 breaks down like this: DoD – 169 CONFIRMED suicides + DVA 144 confirmed suicides = 313.
CHUCK:
These deaths have an SOP protocol for both agencies before they get to confirmed status. This means that each agency investigates these self-inflicted deaths. If, after an investigation, they are determined to be suicides they are
added to the list as “confirmed”. This process may take long enough, that some
might still be in the “pending investigation” category and did not make the fiscal year deadline for the statistics.
Another issue that bears research is whether the DoD and the DVA use similar
criteria. My guess is that the DVA doesn’t differentiate ERAs in its report to the public for PR & PC reasons.
I can’t imagine what those of you who serve in the military go through, and by no means do I want to equate what you have experienced with what I experienced, but the end result for both of us is PTSD.
I’m nearly sixty, and the abuse started when I was four: physical, emotional, psychological, and sexual, although there I was lucky: it was not within the family, but my abusers knew they could get away with it because it was obvious that no one had my back.
I haven’t been able to keep a job (or at this point in my life even find one) because the very structure of business so closely parallels the family structure that it takes just one incident before I lose it. I struggle to appear normal, fine, nothing happening here, but I am less and less able to contain it, and eventually they find a reason to get rid of me.
I haven’t been very successful with relationships, either: I require way too much reassurance, I know what abandonment looks like and feels like, and eventually, there it is. I have never met a man who can hang with me, who can value me, who has had my back, who can keep the commitments he made.
Mostly, nobody would ever guess what I’ve been through, or how many years of therapy I’ve spent in my struggle to simply experience joy or happiness and to stop being at the affect of what happened. Until that footstep shaking the floor takes me back to being yanked out of bed and beaten, punished for something I didn’t understand, or didn’t do. Or a certain tone of voice resonates, and takes me back to all those mean, cruel words that ripped my flesh as surely and as keenly as a whip. And then they realize that something just ain’t right about me, and they move on.
What I wanted to comment on, though, was what Nicole said about EMDR:
“In France, EMDR is considered as the best help. I think it can help really in an acute way to contact the pain, BUT I did not find any person being much than a technician. This requires a lot of empathy.”
I didn’t find an EMDR therapist until I was 55. I’m very fortunate; mine is excellent and I love her to pieces.
But in all those years of therapy- that helped ground me, and helped me to cope – nothing touched that newsreel of overwhelming pain and anger that ran in my head, unbidden, day after day for decades, until I started EMDR.
EMDR is very subtle. It’s not like you walk into the therapist’s office, do an EMDR session, and walk out a different person. For me, it was like a gentle nudge of a record player needle stuck in a groove of a record. The nudge moved the needle out of the groove, and beyond it to the rest of the story, taking the focus off that one particular thing, putting everything else into perspective. Subtle. It was days before I realized that the newsreel was gone.
There was, and still is, a lot to work on, and I do, but I want to tell you that if you suffer from PTSD, I can’t recommend EMDR enough. Just as with any therapist, it takes some effort to find one you can work with, and EMDR therapists are no different. But I urge you to look and make that effort. The technique is simple, and, it works.
My very best to all of you.
What is EMDR? Please say what it is before you use the acronym. I have PTSD but it didn’t come from my time in the military. It came for working at the Dept. of Public Welfare in the applications department. I hear a sound and I still almost jump out of my skin. I do Pilates and Yoga and it does help, but I have a bad back from an injury during basic. Last year I had four operations. The last one was to put metal rods in my back. Everytime something goes wrong, my mood descends. So what is EMDR?
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a form of psychotherapy that was developed to resolve symptoms resulting from disturbing and unresolved life experiences. It uses a structured approach to address past, present, and future aspects of disturbing memories. The approach was developed by Francine Shapiro[1][2][3] to resolve the development of trauma-related disorders as resulting from exposure to a traumatic or distressing event, such as rape or military combat. Clinical trials have been conducted to assess EMDR’s efficacy in the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).[4][5][6][7] In some studies it has been shown to be equivalent to cognitive behavioral therapy and exposure therapies.[Unreliable medical source?][8][9][10][11] Although some clinicians may use EMDR for various problems, its research support is primarily for disorders stemming from distressing life experiences.[12][13]
Here is the link as well:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensitization_and_reprocessing
Dear people:
Just a few comments and questions. I am not a veteran, but I live in an area where there are lots of veterans in need, and my wife and I are determined to lend a hand.
I would like to hear from all combat veterans:
1. What, in your opinion, would be the most useful thing a civilian can do to help a returning veteran? I’m not talking about writing a check, I am talking about meeting face-to-face with a veteran and/or their family and doing real work.
2. Can a civilian volunteer build a bridge between a troubled veteran and society and help vets re-integrate?
3. What has been your experience with religious versus secular affiliated service organizations?
4. Have you found church involvement to be helpful or hurtful? Why?
5. What do you need from a religiously-oriented assistance organization?
6. What would you get from a secular-based assistance organization that you couldn’t get from a religious one?
7. What can church-oriented folks do to better assist veterans and their families with their day-to-day challenges?
Your thoughtful responses will help us learn what needs to be done, and how to do it. The need is so great, that it is hard to understand where to begin in order to do the most good.
Many thanks for your comments, and of course, thank you all for your service to our country.
With the utmost respect,
DS, Eastern Tennessee
The biggest problem with PTSD is a lot of the problems are made worse by the very people who were suppose to take care of, first the Army, then the VA. The army conviently forgot diagnois us properly, mainly so we could be service connected for it. Then the VA turned us down on phony reason, so they wouldn’t have to treat us or compensate us.
The old saying(We have met the enemy and they are us, meaning the VA and the service we served in is true). I wasn’t properly diagnosised and service connected till 1997, I first put in for it in 1969, the 1973,75, 77,81 85, 90, then 1993 and the case in 93 was won in 1997.
After this the VA has done nothing to treat me, except shovel more pills in me. Then when I stopped taking the pills as I didn’t like the side effects, I even pulled myself out of the VA healthcare, then the forced me into one of their mental healthcare unit against my will, this was while I was waiting for my son to get home from Iraq.
If you have PTSD I do not advise anybody to go to the VA for help.In my case I was called a liar, a fraud and a phycopath. I won my case on appeal and the people involved no longer work in C&P at the VA. But it doesn’t give me back my 5 days they took away.
Robert:
Sorry to hear about your difficulty. Vets must prove the probelm(s) they have to the VA. The burden of proof is on them. Sad to say – but it is the way the system is. Best wishes to you and your son.
Dale R. Suiter
CHUCK:
Got an e-mail invite to be a panelist @ the Wisconsin Vet Museum symposium on VN Music that runs from November 18 > 20 in Madison. Will keep you posted.