Jewish Light Bulb Jokes

memorial lamp

By Gilad Atzmon

In the light of the darkness in Gaza, here is a collection of Jewish Light Bulb Jokes

Q: How many Orthodox Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What is a light bulb?

Q: How many secular assimilated Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: My grandmother, who lived in a Shtetl changed lightbulbs. Today, we get a Goy to do it.

Q: How many Israelis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 26: 18 to surround the building,  6 to storm the room and kill the terrorists, one to forcibly expel the old bulb, and another one to screw the new one in and forever.

Q: How many progressive Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Vhy, we don’t need any! we’ll form Jewish Voices for Light Bulbs (JVLB) and use it to keep the rest of humanity forever in the dark.

Q: How many Reform Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Change it? Who wants to change it? We just want to improve it!

Q: How many Lubabavitchers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it never died.

Q: How many Marxist Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, after the revolution the proletariat will do it for us.

Q: What does it take for a Jewish mother to change a light bulb?
A: Never mind, I’ll sit in the dark.

Q: What does it take for a Talmudic Jew to change a light bulb
A: First you’ll have to tell me why changing a light bulb is good for the Jews.

Q How many solidarity Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they will plea  George Soros’ Open Society Institute  to pay an Electronic Palestinian to denounce  the old one and endorse the new one.

Q: How many Hasbara Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Wrong question, the real question is why the Arabs want to throw us into the sea?

Q: How many Gazans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Who needs a light bulb?

Q: How many self hating Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Forget about the light bulb, Every Self Hater, is himself/herself a light bulb

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Posted by on November 19, 2013, With 3231 Reads Filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

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14 Responses to "Jewish Light Bulb Jokes"

  1. Lasher  November 22, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    Q: How was copper wire invented?

    A: Two Jews found the same penny.

  2. Lasher  November 22, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    Q: What happens when a Jew with a hard-on walks into a brick wall?

    A: He breaks his nose.

  3. nick dean  November 22, 2013 at 10:14 am

    Where a Jewish source tends to be judged more favourably than a non-Jewish source, even where he’s anti-Zionist, that tells you the system indoctrinates pro-Jewish/anti-‘gentile’ double standards, not merely pro-Zionist/anti-anti-Zionist. It tells you Jews not Zionists are ‘the problem’, or ‘manipulating us in their favour’ or however you would choose to phrase it.

  4. DaveE  November 19, 2013 at 12:02 pm

    One more:

    Q.) How many Mossad agents does it take to change a lightbulb? A.) Don’t worry about it. It’s included with your new electric power meter, free of charge.

    I won’t quit my day job, don’t worry.

  5. DaveE  November 19, 2013 at 11:42 am

    Great one…… Here’s my contribution:

    Q.) How many AIPAC agents does it take to change a light bulb? A.) None, that’s what Obama is for.

    • williammartin  November 19, 2013 at 3:05 pm

      Here DaveE….

      Enjoy: ******http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPxakjJDC9E

  6. peter  November 19, 2013 at 10:58 am

    LOL! To funny

  7. 60sstreetpunk  November 19, 2013 at 8:42 am

    I especially liked the joke about Talmudic Jews and having to explain why one wants the light bulb changed. I laughed very much with this one. This reminds me of 1969 when a Czech US Marine asked me how many Air Force, Navy, Army, and Marine men it takes to replace the light bulb, and it starts with the Air Force-one, the Navy, then the Army 4 or 8 as one holds the light bulb while the rest turn the ladder round and round, and then it took one thousand Marines as one holds the light bulb and the rest turn the house around.

  8. williammartin  November 19, 2013 at 7:12 am

    My favorite was, Why do Jews have Big Nose’s? Because AIR is Free.

    or

    Why isn’t Israel the 51st State? Because as a State you can only Own two Senators.

  9. dcstreettechnology  November 19, 2013 at 5:40 am

    How many Zionist does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 0. They just SCREW the world around the light bulb!

    • CoJonesGrandes  November 19, 2013 at 6:35 am

      LOL! Good one.

    • Gilad Atzmon  November 19, 2013 at 11:57 am

      this is a genius one,, i ll add it on my site…

    • DaveE  November 19, 2013 at 5:16 pm

      Enlightening….. and funny. Bravo.

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