By Gilad Atzmon
Dear Alan,
I feel genuine compassion for you. Compassion is a strange kind of empathic sensation that starts to appear once you drift away from the ghetto.
I just saw a BBC item reporting on the sex scandal you are caught in. Apparently you are threatening to sue the lady who claims to have been forced to sleep with you. You don’t get it, do you Alan? This is probably the biggest compliment you have ever received in your entire life- a woman who admits to spending a night with you.
If you can’t grasp how important this confession is, just ta
ke a brief look in the mirror Alan. You may even realise why it took the young lady more than a decade to recover.
However, Alan, listen to me carefully. I do not doubt that your understanding of legal matters is beyond superb, but in dealing with women, you are obviously clueless. What you need now is to gain public support and threatening a sexually abused woman with legal action is really the last thing you want to do.
At this stage, all you need do is get just one woman who is willing to claim that she willingly and voluntarily spent a night with you. Such an admission may help us to establish the idea that you are actually an ordinary human being and even a possible object of desire.
Also, instead of denying the allegations against you, use your reputation. You are known as a fib master; even Noam Chomsky labelled you a ‘remarkable liar.’ This is the time to celebrate your reputation. Instead of denying sleeping with one of Jeffrey Epstein’s girls, just own the experience. Tell us how great it was. Provide us with some juicy intimate details. Don’t worry, no one is going to believe you anyway, you will be vindicated immediately.
This is my tactical advice for today. I promise to follow the unfolding story and provide you with more help as the situation continues to develop. Be strong Alan, as you and I know, once the first bird twits, more will be quick to follow.
Yours Sincerely,
Gilad
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Posted by Gilad Atzmon on January 5, 2015, With 3131 Reads Filed under Humor, Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
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8 Responses to "From Gilad Atzmon to Alan Dershowitz"
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“The article by Morales details the alleged events surrounding the apparent suicide by Sue Barlach, who had been divorced by Dershowitz after she endured a beating by Alan Dershowitz, after which she required hospitalization. Soon after, Dershowitz stripped Barlach of custody of their two sons, according to several sources who wish to remain anonymous due to the highly litigious and vindictive nature of Alan Dershowitz. Dershowitz then obtained a divorce from Sue Barlach in 1975. The beating incident allegedly happened after Barlach, upon learning of an extramarital affair that Dershowitz was having, scattered some of his important case documents in the wind.”
Gilad, is this event and further developments, which perhaps many await salaciously, best and most succinctly described as a “limited hangout”?
Alan should know better. As he is a frequent visitor to Miami he should have known that parking your car below the migrating turkey vultures that their plops are very acidic. Looks like its his turn to find out and no matter what his defence is, it still burns.
Note to self: if your “crisis management company” threatens to sue you… settle…. settle quick….
So what is being said here is that this may be a good time for Dirtbagoshitz to turn the other cheek. Seems your condolences would appear more sincere if they were not to include the remarks about our casanova’s visage. Certainly, in an absolutely darkened room and for enough money there would be a way to tolerate it and the proof of it is that this young woman alleges it was done. Guess we’ll have to wait for the trial.
Good news is that rumor has it these encounters were filmed. I will have to rely on confirmation from someone brave enough to watch because even though I suspect the event is short, it needs must be thoroughly unpleasant, like so many things by Alan, for all but him.
Once the first bird twits, more will be quick to follow.
I am expecting a cacophony of song that will finally drown out the Dershbag public arrogance and self righteous abuse of law, and expose the criminal he is and the pedophiles he represents.
Seeing him locked behind bars with large, sexually indifferent prisoners, who are not put off by his grotesque facial looks, and indeed could be attracted to his butt, fills me with expectant euphoria.
Oh how quickly his supporters will abandon him now, leaving him naked for all to nauseate over.
What poetic justice.
He is of the evil one, for the evil one is the father of liars!
Alan, Gilad makes a great point, it can only do wonders for your reputation in the eyes of the public.
I always thought you were strictly a sodomite for example.