Listen up, all you kosher cowboys! Did y’all know that today is Texas-Israel Day?
Time to saddle up and ride on down to the picnic and grab yourself a mouthful of barbecued motzoh balls! (Round these parts, we call ’em Megido Mountain Oysters – just be sure and talk real nice to the motzoh while you’re cuttin’ em off.) Wash ’em down with a splash of Lone Star of David beer – just pour some Mogen-David 20-20 into your can of Lone Star and you’re off to the rodeo! And don’t forget to crank up a Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys CD – they’re great for dancin’ the Hava Nagila while you wave your cowboy hat around like Slim Pickens ridin’ one of them there Samson Option missiles.
Yes indeedy, ladies and gentiles, every year on this here solemn occasion we commemorate Texas-Israel Day in honor of trying to remember…whatzit called…the Alamamo, or the Mossada, or wherever it was where all those kosher cowboys got shot down by a big ol’ army of philistinian mexican injuns.
So in honor of all things Texas-Israeli, I just wrote this here song celebratin’ the merger of the Great State of Texas with the Outlaw State of Israel.
By Martin Hill
Despite constantly promoting a ‘fiercely independent’ public relations image, submissive Texas legislators will declare May 8th “Texas-Israel Day” in the State Capitol. Like theircompromised counterparts in the U.S. Congress, the subservient Reps will pronounce the official resolution next week. State Senator John Carona and Rep. Stefani Carter have taken up the cause and will read the declaration.
Like so many U.S. politicians and Presidents, Texas lawmakers have taken “legislative trips to Israel” for years. On March 21 2013, they passed H.R. 44, “Commending Israel for its cordial and mutually beneficial relationship with the United States and the State of Texas and supporting Israel in its legal, historical, moral, and God-given right of self-governance and self-defense.”
A group called the “Texas-Israel Chamber of Commerce” has posted an announcement on its website about the “Texas-Israel Day” event:
“On May 8th State Sen. John Carona and State Rep. Stefani Carter have each agreed to sponsor resolutions in the Texas House and Senate respectively that will proclaim May 8 to be Texas-Israel Day. Please plan to join us in Austin at the Capitol that day, as the Texas-Israel Chamber group will be recognized in each legislative chamber. A room is reserved at the Capitol convenient to both chambers where the meetings will be held with key legislators and hear speakers throughout the day. This is a great opportunity for us to highlight the many opportunities Texas and Israel have to work together. Our greatest opportunity right now is in Water Management. The state realizes that we have a big problem and Israel has invented the solution. Gov. Perry has decided to take $2 billion from the Rainy Day fund and spend it on upgrading water infrastructure in the state. The day will primarily focus on educating our legislators about Israeli water technology before this legislative session ends. CEO Clare Freeman is working with the Governor’s office and the Water Management Board to plan the day for maximum impact.”
Another page on their site, TEXAS-ISRAEL DAY AT THE CAPITOL MAY 8, notes:
“We plan to use this day as an opportunity to educate legislators and key stakeholders about the very close relationship between Texas and Israel. We will highlight Israeli water conservation and desalination technologies that can dramatically help the citizens of Texas solve the very serious water shortage problems we face in the immediate future. This day is a huge opportunity for Texas-Israel Chamber members to meet face to face with our legislators and educate them on the many ways Texas and Israel are so closely connected… I hope you will join us and contribute to our effort. The more people we have in Austin supporting Texas and Israel, the bigger an impression we can make on state lawmakers.”
Reaction to the announcement of “Texas-Israel Day” was largely negative among Texans. North Texas resident Mike Devasher was perplexed. “I can’t figure out for the life of me what Israel has to do with Texas or Texas history. This makes as much sense as declaring a ‘Texas-Rhodesia Day’. I object to Texas being tied to that filthy terrorist nationette who threatens the world with their undeclared nuclear program that, to date, has Israel in possession of over 300 nuclear- warheads and has never been properly investigated by the IAEA or held accountable by any other nuclear watch-dog agency. It appears that jewish House speaker Joe Strauss has finally inserted the Zionist influence that every Texan has feared he would do once he became Speaker.”
Russell Shipp, who supported Ron Paul for president, said “What the hell?! An Annual Texas Israel day? Unless Israel is ready to recognize Texas as its own nation (and given their view on Palestine, I doubt that’s the case) I see no point to this and I also see some Constitutional restrictions – given the fact that states can not engage in international diplomacy, and this is nothing but. How dare they waste our money and the people’s time on something so frivolous and ultimately unconstitutional. A TX Israel day?… I had no idea.”
Despite the cartoonish “Don’t Mess With Texas” slogan which the state plasters all over billboards, the so-called political leadership in Texas is actually very sycophantic towards the Israeli lobby and tyrannical towards it’s own people. It’s armed revenue agents regularly engage in all sorts of barbaric intrusions, conducting obscene cavity searches of innocent women on the roadside, arresting veterans for legally carrying their firearms, waking up off-duty truck drivers in violation of federal law, shooting innocent family pets for no reason, killing innocent people in botched drug raids, stealing children from their parents and then and abusing them, etc. The so-called Texas Dept. of Children Services is particularly notorious for hiring perverts, who then abuse innocent children. Meanwhile the lawmakers, who supposedly represent the people of Texas, obsess on a warmongering foreign nation which should have nothing whatsoever to do with the Lone Star State.
The two Texas state lawmakers who are spearheading the proclamation of the “Texas-Israel Day” Resolution can be reached here: Stefani Carter can be reached in Austin, TX at (512)463-0454 Fax: (512)463-1121 or Richardson, (972)661-9649 , (972)661-9679 and Fax (972)661-1338. Her e-mail is [email protected] On her newsletter, Carter says “As always, I am honored to be your voice in Austin.” John Carona can be reached by e-mail here or by phone in Austin: (512)463-0116 Fax: (512)463-3135 or Dallas: (214)378-5751 Fax: (214)378-5739
No word on whether the TX Reps will proclaim a U.S.S. Liberty Day, Lavon Affair Day, Jonathan Pollard Day, Salvador Smecke Day, or a ‘Dancing Israelis Day’ to follow up on next Wednesday’s Texas-Israel celebration.
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Posted by Kevin Barrett on May 8, 2013, With 1951 Reads Filed under Humor, Of Interest. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.