Jewish Light Bulb Jokes

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memorial lamp

By Gilad Atzmon

In the light of the darkness in Gaza, here is a collection of Jewish Light Bulb Jokes

Q: How many Orthodox Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What is a light bulb?

Q: How many secular assimilated Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: My grandmother, who lived in a Shtetl changed lightbulbs. Today, we get a Goy to do it.

Q: How many Israelis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 26: 18 to surround the building,  6 to storm the room and kill the terrorists, one to forcibly expel the old bulb, and another one to screw the new one in and forever.

Q: How many progressive Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Vhy, we don’t need any! we’ll form Jewish Voices for Light Bulbs (JVLB) and use it to keep the rest of humanity forever in the dark.

Q: How many Reform Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Change it? Who wants to change it? We just want to improve it!

Q: How many Lubabavitchers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it never died.

Q: How many Marxist Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, after the revolution the proletariat will do it for us.

Q: What does it take for a Jewish mother to change a light bulb?
A: Never mind, I’ll sit in the dark.

Q: What does it take for a Talmudic Jew to change a light bulb
A: First you’ll have to tell me why changing a light bulb is good for the Jews.

Q How many solidarity Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they will plea  George Soros’ Open Society Institute  to pay an Electronic Palestinian to denounce  the old one and endorse the new one.

Q: How many Hasbara Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Wrong question, the real question is why the Arabs want to throw us into the sea?

Q: How many Gazans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Who needs a light bulb?

Q: How many self hating Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Forget about the light bulb, Every Self Hater, is himself/herself a light bulb

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Gilad Atzmon

Gilad Atzmon is an Israeli-born British jazz saxophonist, novelist, political activist and writer.

Atzmon's album Exile was BBC jazz album of the year in 2003. Playing over 100 dates a year,[4] he has been called "surely the hardest-gigging man in British jazz." His albums, of which he has recorded nine to date, often explore the music of the Middle East and political themes. He has described himself as a "devoted political artist." He supports the Palestinian right of return and the one-state solution in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

His criticisms of Zionism, Jewish identity, and Judaism, as well as his controversial views on The Holocaust and Jewish history have led to allegations of antisemitism from both Zionists and anti-Zionists. A profile in The Guardian in 2009 which described Atzmon as "one of London's finest saxophonists" stated: "It is Atzmon's blunt anti-Zionism rather than his music that has given him an international profile, particularly in the Arab world, where his essays are widely read."

His new book The Wandering Who? is now availble at Amazon.com

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14 COMMENTS

  1. Where a Jewish source tends to be judged more favourably than a non-Jewish source, even where he’s anti-Zionist, that tells you the system indoctrinates pro-Jewish/anti-‘gentile’ double standards, not merely pro-Zionist/anti-anti-Zionist. It tells you Jews not Zionists are ‘the problem’, or ‘manipulating us in their favour’ or however you would choose to phrase it.

  2. One more:

    Q.) How many Mossad agents does it take to change a lightbulb? A.) Don’t worry about it. It’s included with your new electric power meter, free of charge.

    I won’t quit my day job, don’t worry.

  3. Great one…… Here’s my contribution:

    Q.) How many AIPAC agents does it take to change a light bulb? A.) None, that’s what Obama is for.

  4. I especially liked the joke about Talmudic Jews and having to explain why one wants the light bulb changed. I laughed very much with this one. This reminds me of 1969 when a Czech US Marine asked me how many Air Force, Navy, Army, and Marine men it takes to replace the light bulb, and it starts with the Air Force-one, the Navy, then the Army 4 or 8 as one holds the light bulb while the rest turn the ladder round and round, and then it took one thousand Marines as one holds the light bulb and the rest turn the house around.

  5. My favorite was, Why do Jews have Big Nose’s? Because AIR is Free.

    or

    Why isn’t Israel the 51st State? Because as a State you can only Own two Senators.

  6. How many Zionist does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 0. They just SCREW the world around the light bulb!

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