Trump hires Russian whores to piss on McCain’s grave — report

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Dissociated Press

According to a new Trump–Russia dossier, President Trump has already hired a team of Russian prostitutes to urinate on the freshly-dug grave of Senator John McCain.

The new “Schpiel Dossier,” compiled during the past 24 hours by a high-level MI-6 source, includes decrypted transcripts of Trump’s latest conversations with Russian mob boss Semion Mogilevich. According to the report, Trump installed a special quantum-encrypted hotline to Mogilevich in the White House shortly after taking office. Unfortunately for Trump, Schpiel and his team, code named “Schroedinger’s Cat,” broke the code and have been listening in on Trump’s ultra-sensitive conversations with the Russian mobster since early 2017.

Last night’s transcripts include a conversation in which Trump demands that Mogilevich “send a bunch of hot chicks who really, really need to go to the bathroom” to the Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland next weekend so they can “sneak into the graveyard at night and provide water and fertilizer so (McCain) can push up some nice, healthy daisies.”

Schpiel also intercepted and decrypted a subsequent call from Mogilivech to Russian President Vladimir Putin. According to transcripts, both Russians agreed “that guy (Trump) is really F***ing weird.”

Melania Trump, who spends most of her time hiding from her husband and the press, in that order, and who can blame her, could not be reached for comment.

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Poll: Which of the following best describes your reaction to President Trump’s decision to hire Russian prostitutes to urinate on John McCain’s grave?

19 COMMENTS

  1. I hear his grave smells like the back lane behind a bar in San Francisco… not only smells like piss but feces everywhere… fine tribute to a true traitor warmonger and terrorist friend…

  2. Do the Russian whores who will piss on his grave have a go-fund-me page….I might give a donation for such a noble cause.

  3. and who was to pay the whores, Charles Keating ?? he was have experience paying things to McCain… oh, sorry i forgot Charles died, maybe this is why Mogilevich need pay the whores 😀

  4. Judging from the reaction of a few poster here, I would guess they don’t like it when their ox is gored. For the past 8 years the vicious insults, totally made up lies and racist comments made by alt-right, conservatives and the usual right wing loony toons concerning Pres. Obama were considered perfectly acceptable within those circles.
    Now of course, with tRump in the White House, anyone who dares to speak out or satirize this presidents as well as his failings is associated with the MSM or worse.
    “When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself public property.” Thomas Jefferson.
    Nobody likes to see or hear their president being satirized or held in any manner they feel is unbecoming to that person, however it’s because we have the First Amendment to remind us all that the freedom to speak freely without fear of intimidation or persecution is one of our most natural rights. That no matter how abusive, foul , profane and even hate speech, those are the types of speech that need protecting the most. That’s what the First Amendment is about.
    To stifle that right or attempt to means a nation is headed in the wrong direction and the only consequences are tyranny.

  5. “Melania Trump, who spends most of her time hiding from her husband and the press, in that order, and who can blame her, could not be reached for comment.”

    I thought this was supposed to be satire?

  6. I VOTED!! Thank you for the opportunity!!

    As a Trump jock supporter . . . I am 100% in favor of it. I have already calculated the costs of hiring whores to urinate into my tax next year, and hope that the I.R.S. will include a box to check off on our Wee-Wee the Peoples’ tax returns. Please take $2.00 out of our funds to pay for the #1 future Russian whores government expenditures.

    I do fear, however, that the other whores will sue the government for equal tinkling rights AND tax payer I.R.S. contribution check off boxes will become more diluted and watered down.

    What can I say? Please don’t eat the daisies?!?

    Hilarious read!! Thanks for that.

    • Don’t forget Washington will have to pass a law requiring Americans to use the correct pronoun for those who wish to urinate in public.
      I don’t know what that will be but I’m sure some female SJW/lesbian academic with a useless degree will come up with something equally stupid.

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