Trump Claims “King of Israel” Nationality, Bans Criticism of Himself by Executive Order


Dissociated Press

In the wake of President Trump’s executive order banning criticism of Israel and making “Jewish” a nationality, the White House announced yesterday that Trump will go one step further and claim “King of Israel” nationality and “Second Coming of God” status, effectively exempting himself from criticism.

Trump, who annointed himself King of Israel and Second Coming of God last August, is expected to issue a new executive order tomorrow making “King of Israel” a protected nationality and “second coming of God” a special religious identity off-limits to sacrilege, blasphemy, heresy, or any other form of criticism. Once the order has been issued, anyone criticizing Trump will be arrested for hate speech (due to his protected nationality) and sacrilege (due to his special religious status) and summarily tortured and burned at the stake.

Trump, who has repeatedly gone on record supporting torture because it “absolutely works,” is expected to mount a similar defense of burning-at-the-stake. A White House insider reports that the President believes the only way to make “Trump-haters” stop criticizing him is to threaten to burn them to death on the White House lawn, where he can watch the proceedings through the window of his Oval Office.

Though some Republicans privately said they think Trump’s plan to ban criticism of himself goes too far and may even be unconstitutional, none were willing to publicly oppose it for fear of angering the Israel lobby, which views Trump as their Messiah and avidly looks forward to seeing BDS supporters barbecued. “The acrid aroma of their roasting flesh will be pleasing to Lord Yahweh,” explained Mike Pence in a statement jointly issued by the Vice President’s office and the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations.

As for the Democrats, they have been too busy raising money from liberal Zionists, and pursuing impeachment on Russia-Ukraine related issues, to raise much of a fuss about Trump’s insanely unconstitutional executive orders.

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  1. Kevin, love satire, but the Aust Govt has no sense of humor, Chk out, Honest Govt ads/Julian Assange, and also /Timor-Lester, to name a few. See how they spell Australian for starters.
    Juice Media has been brought up in Parliament, not happy.

  2. Anyone who wants to understand what a real low life Trump was should read the article TrumpTower in Wikipedia. He sought to use the tyranny of lawsuits and lawyers to shaft low level Polish workers out of money for their pay for over 20 years. Even judges died during this long period. While Trump finally lost and supposedly paid a large sum, it isn’t clear any of the poor workers ever received a cent because the lawyers likely kept all or most of it. These workers were also not informed of asbestos risks at the job site. It is difficult to find polite adjectives to describe this gross unconscionable behavior toward this group of laborers. It again confirms the dictum: “The jails are full of petty thieves but the grand thieves are running the country.” The late Howard Zinn, Ph.D.

  3. ahhhh The Donald, what a brilliant plan from the genius mind of yours… 1) make the boycott illegal. )2 Make antisemitism illegal. )3 Make criticism of Israel illegal. )4 Proclaim yourself king of Israel… Check mate freedom. FROM THE DONALD: “American collateral (citizens) please drop your guns off at your local IDF/local cop shop no later than 5pm today.”

  4. Trump has sold out to Israel for purely selfish reasons. Israel did 9/11/01 and one can be 100% certain he has read all the secret documents proving this. He is a worse traitor than the whores in Congress. The four star generals also failed to defend the country that day, their most basic duty. They are all traitors too. Trump therefore approves of the gross inhuman treatment of every country Israel mistreats, the Palestinians, Syrians, Iranians, Germans, many Americans and on and on and on. These are the issues on which the Senate should boot him out of office. But of course they won’t because those traitors are guilty of the same crimes against America and all its citizens. Trump cares about three people: Me, myself and I. He worships one GOD spelled MONEY.

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