This “breaking news story” came in too late for us to cover on False Flag Weekly News (watch above, click HERE for the story links)
In the wake of the shocking fire that gutted the US capitol, Donald J. Trump has abdicated in favor of an upstart rabble-rousing politician named Adolf Hitler.
Trump’s formal abdication was posted on Twitter earlier today.
Trump’s replacement, Adolf Hitler, has blamed Antifa for the Capitol Fire. In a press conference at the newly renamed Reich House (formerly the White House) Hitler vowed to “eradicate dissent and defend the American Reich against all enemies, foreign and domestic.” The President-Reichsfuhrer announced that he has deputized the Brownshirts, a shadowy paramilitary group, and would use them to crush all enemies of the state and restore order, normalcy, and white supremacy.
“When the Jewing starts, the shooting starts,” Hitler intoned. “We will unleash vicious dogs and ominous weapons, including V2 rockets and gas chambers. All heil the American Reich!”
Democrats and “Never Trump” Republicans welcomed the move, saying they hoped it would restore stability, prosperity, and democracy. “We’ve finally gotten rid of our worst president ever,” said Nancy Pelosi as she posed in front of her $30,000 freezer, ice cream dripping from her chin. “This is even better than impeachment! Now things can get back to normal and police can resume quietly shooting poor people who might conceivably pose a threat to rich people like me and my donors.”
Republican supporters of former President Trump reacted ambivalently. “Trump wasn’t perfect, but neither was Hitler,” said Lindsey Graham (R-SC). “I think we owe both of them a chance to do their job, especially since they both have access to pictures of me in compromising positions.”
But other Trump loyalists questioned the former president’s choice to resign in favor of Hitler. Jared Kushner, the ex-President’s son-in-law, reportedly tried to talk Trump out of the decision, and is now pushing the “birther” conspiracy theory that Hitler was born in Austria and thus ineligible for high office. White House insiders, who wish to remain off the record, say privately that Kushner is jealous of Hitler because the latter, by mysteriously emerging from Paraguay at the age of 131 to assume the most powerful office on Earth, has supplanted Kushner as leading candidate for the office of Antichrist.
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Dr. Barrett has taught at colleges and universities in San Francisco, Paris, and Wisconsin; where he ran for Congress in 2008. He currently works as a nonprofit organizer, author, and talk radio host.