Trump to Pursue Herd Immunity Through COVID-Laced Breakfast Cereal

President Launches CoronaFlakes: Corny Puns & COVID Blended into One Delicious Crunchy Mess

3
1571

Dissociated Press

President Donald Trump has announced his new “herd immunity” plan to defeat the pandemic: A breakfast cereal made of GMO corn, high-fructose corn syrup, COVID-19 virus, and glyphosate and other artificial flavors.

“If every child in America ate a bowl of CoronaFlakes every morning,” the President tweeted yesterday, “we could achieve herd immunity in less than two weeks. Back to work, America! Just in time to re-elect me and save me from another bankruptcy and maybe prison.”

The herd-immunity-through-cereal strategy was drafted by Trump’s new science advisor, self-taught virologist and defrocked gynecologist Dr. Buster Hymen, inventor of the Alex Jones male potency enhancement supplement. Dr. Hymen, standing beside Trump at the CoronaFlakes product launch, grabbed the microphone from Trump, wiped it down carefully with a gasoline-soaked rag, and explained: “Unlike old fashioned Corn Flakes, breakfast of geezers, Sugar-Frosted CoronaFlakes is sweet enough to appeal to kids! It’s full of sugary purple COVID-berries that look just like those models of the coronavirus we’ve all seen. If we feed this stuff to every kid in America, they’ll all catch COVID-19, and hardly any of them will die. Then they’ll pass it on to their parents, and most of them won’t die, either. By the time it gets to the grandparents, herd immunity will have kicked in, so most of the old farts survive too. It’s a win-win-win!”

Each box of CoronaFlakes will include a special prize for the lucky kid who opens it. Among the fun prizes: A toy hypodermic needle loaded with COVID that works just like the real thing, so kids can “vaccinate” each other with the novel coronavirus while playing doctor; little plastic models of Trump, Tony Fauci, Buster Hymen, and other corona superheroes; and cheap worthless polyester cloth “herd immunity” masks with the CoronaFlakes logo imprinted on them.

White House sources say the President plans to call on the military to deliver a box of CoronaFlakes to every child in America beginning next week. Like vaccinations, CoronaFlakes will be mandatory, with no religious, philosophical, or basic sentience objections allowed.

The sources also say Trump is hoping that even if herd immunity fails and he loses to Biden, he and Jared Kushner will make enough money from the expensive new mandatory breakfast cereal to pay off their 500 million dollar debt, start a new reality show, and hopefully burn the Reichstag and return to power.

Biography
Dr. Kevin Barrett, a Ph.D. Arabist-Islamologist, is one of America’s best-known critics of the War on Terror.

He is host of TRUTH JIHAD RADIO; a hard driving weekly radio show funded by listener donations at Patreon.com and FALSE FLAG WEEKLY NEWS (FFWN); a audio-video show produced by Tony Hall, Allan Reese, and Kevin himself. FFWN is funded through FundRazr.

He also has appeared many times on Fox, CNN, PBS and other broadcast outlets, and has inspired feature stories and op-eds in the New York Times, the Christian Science Monitor, the Chicago Tribune, and other leading publications.

Dr. Barrett has taught at colleges and universities in San Francisco, Paris, and Wisconsin; where he ran for Congress in 2008. He currently works as a nonprofit organizer, author, and talk radio host.
ATTENTION READERS
Due to the nature of independent content, VT cannot guarantee content validity.
We ask you to Read Our Content Policy so a clear comprehension of VT's independent non-censored media is understood and given its proper place in the world of news, opinion and media.

All content is owned by author exclusively. Expressed opinions are NOT necessarily the views of VT, other authors, affiliates, advertisers, sponsors, partners or technicians. Some content may be satirical in nature. All images within are full responsibility of author and NOT VT.

About VT - Read Full Policy Notice - Comment Policy

3 COMMENTS

  1. Google returns a series of scholarly papers chronicling smallpox use on the Plains Indians compiled by Ward Churchill. Google also returns a scholarly paper, https://quod.lib.umich.edu/p/plag/5240451.0001.009/–did-the-us-army-distribute-smallpox-blankets-to-indians?rgn=main;view=fulltext , that refutes every point of evidence Mr. Churchill presented. Conclusion- No , smallpox was not used in 1837. Both papers cannot be correct. Is there any precedent of smallpox use in the America against the native population backed by solid evidence ?
    Yes The British general Amherst labeled Indians execrable and should be extirpated, stating the military should be “they” Indians should be intentionally exposed to smallpox, hunted down with dogs, and “Every other method that can serve to Extirpate this Execrable Race.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Fort_Pitt#CITEREFKnollenberg1954
    More info here https://academic.oup.com/jah/article-abstract/41/3/489/769682?redirectedFrom=fulltext
    If the British used smallpox as a biological as a weapon against native Americans 1n 1763, the matter of plausibility of US soldiers employing the same weapon 75 years later is viable.

  2. Ray, you’re rambling again. When it comes to bioweapons like COVID-19, herd immunity is a bad thing. The real “powers that be”, who you most likely are in cahoots with, will have to go back to the lab in North Carolina and come up with something more effective.

  3. This is so reminiscent of how the US gave smallpox-infested blankets to the Plains Indians back in the 19th Century. Obviously, they were just trying to develop herd immunity among the indigenous as well as keep them warm in the wintertime. Thanks, Kevin, for this insight into American history.