Two years in and it now should be apparent to anyone with a functioning mind that the reality they have clung to so desperately throughout the course of their existence no longer exists. The secret is it never did. In fact, the only thing that really exists is you; you think therefore you are.
But how many of those thoughts are yours and how many are merely the parameters in this environmental construct you once mistook for real? New agers and dime store sage prattle on about the great awakening without ever realizing the dream is all they have. When it ends, they will end with it. They along with everyone and everything else they perceive are but part of the dream. If you are to see the morning then you must separate yourself from the dream of the night, you must unbelong… – Jack Heart
The Unbelonging by Mike Kay
The event was drawing to a close. Despite the current devastating social condition with the supposed pandemic, it had been what he would call a success, although it was true that he had no expectations. Somehow, he had gotten through the whole thing without having to talk about injections, and that alone was cause for some celebration. He was about to close up when he got word that Joy had called, and she was on her way.
He liked Joy and her guy Tyler. Joy was, true to her namesake, a bubbly and enthusiastic personality, and Tyler, well Tyler was basically just a good guy.
He looked out to the mountains, watching the clouds, his eyes tracing the faint lines of snow. He was still doing just that when Joy rushed in, a smile warming up her face below her sunglasses.
She always caught the eye of men, her lithe form moving quickly and precisely, her long dark hair trailing behind her with just a hint of natural rust. She was socially accomplished and soon had what was left of the crowd buzzing anew, when she slid in close beside him, picking up quickly after the brief greeting. “Tyler is away, so I came alone because I just had to see you!” She always was good at flattery.
“It’s always great to see you too, Joy’, he responded conversationally, “how have you both been, haven’t met up in quite some time.”
“Well, you know Tyler came down with Covid, and he brought it home to me, so we both had it for two weeks, and you know, we both are vaccinated”.
He felt a strange, odd thrill pass through him. He wondered at it. There was no telling where it came from, but at her words it definitely passed through him, leaving him a little disconcerted. He knew he was supposed to say something, but he could only manage a rather lame response, “well, you’re better now, right?’
She was very close to him, and she turned to face him as if it was someone, something else controlling her behavior. Her dark hair fell back and she looked deeply, directly into his eyes. Their gaze melded, and there staring through her, the pupil-less black oblong eyes regarded him. They were mounted in a pasty grey head. The Archon had the presence of an insect, and it looked at him, prospectively, as if wondering if he could be food.
The moment of Unbelonging is often an odd one. It almost never arrives on schedule, or when expected. Unbelonging is simple, and it can be bittersweet, as the moment makes it quite clear that the one it chose is most certainly a stranger, whatever the appearance, or condition. Loss, disconnection, and uncoupling, all occupy the moment of Unbelonging. One who experiences Unbelonging knows completely that they are separate, apart. They know they can’t share their true thoughts or impressions, and those who need to navigate the world wonder at their difference.
To be fair, a sense of separation is standard in this world. We all learn to see ourselves as embodied individuals, which center most emotional, spiritual, and intellectual experience “within”. This entire view, a philosophy of being, is largely unconscious, unexamined, and assumed. It develops in us before language. The ancient Greeks called it ego, and so do we. The ego is a necessary tool for function in the physical world.
Where we go wrong, is in allowing the ego to move beyond this stage, to develop from a tool to an identity. Together with this assumption of identity, comes an obfuscation of genuine identity, a great forgetting of what we truly are. The ego can develop into such a hardened construct, that it becomes impossible to overcome its grasp, until death.
How do we know that our ego is simply a tool for organizing material experience, and providing a center from which the biological entity operates? How can we tell that what we are groomed to believe is the “I”, in truth is little beyond a system of self-preservation? There are actually several methods, but we will only focus on two. First, we discover that the ego is a tool because as it develops, it anchors the biological entity deeper into the physical world. It is a well-known fact amongst reincarnation researchers, that past life memories must be retrieved as early as possible in a child’s life. Dreams and memories of other incarnations are quickly forgotten in favor of current experience, and the development as an individual. It is worth pointing out to the dubious, that there actually are researchers who provide exhaustive proof and testimony that something fascinating here is happening, and that reincarnation must be taken seriously as an aspect of human existence.
Secondly, we can discover that ego is a tool, rather than our source of identity through the practical application of mysticism. Through mysticism, we gradually discover that the belief we are fully contained in a biological envelope is a perspective. We recognize that this perspective of containment is unexamined and that the very substance of which we define as identity, is not ours.
Previously, we set forth the experiment of entering the silence, exploring this state as one which truly exists, yet is seldom accessed, or even accessible by modern people. The primary obstacle to exploring silence is the endless activity of thoughts, emotions, and memories. One must begin moment by moment, patiently moving into the silence by creating as few ripples in the pond of consciousness as possible. Yet it is this endless procession of thoughts, emotions, and memories that we believe constitute ourselves. It is this bundle that we refer to as ego, and our hopes, fears, ideas of the future, thoughts on our physical condition, etc., etc., etc. all convince us as to the reality of the bundle as the very source of ourselves. The sad truth is, that the vast majority of people alive today do not think. They do not feel. They do not wonder, imagine or plan. The vast majority of people today are thought, they are felt, they are imagined, and planned. It is not they who are doing these things, it is they who are woven, spun, and crafted by them.
No one knows why they might like pudding, but hate oatmeal. No one can explain why certain memories from certain times in life spark up to occupy our mental activity. No one knows, or even wonders, from where thoughts arrive, and to where they go. Yet despite this, modern people will swear that it is they who like and dislike, it is they who remember, it is they who think. This is so self-evident to modern people, that questioning it seems ridiculous. Yet what is ridiculous is the imagining that “they” are doing any of this at all.
A similar hand-in-hand process occurs with the unquestioned perspective that we all have and exercise “free will”. Proponents of free will state that no one and nothing is controlling their actions. Further, they state that the gods are imagined in the mind of man and that ultimately there is no morality, no ethics beyond what one can, or can’t do. Free will essentially states that we are our gods and that our personal will is the measure of our lives. Thus, mankind is “free” to perform whatever act is topical at the time, good, bad, or indifferent.
However, in order to exercise free will, one must be able to decide. If one is going to decide, they must have the freedom to act upon this decision. The question is, how can one who doesn’t even understand their own likes and dislikes, claim to have the necessary awareness to be in control of any decision? How can one who is subject to various pangs of hunger, drives, and illusions even begin to claim that they exercise freedom in acting upon decisions? Clarity of origin is clarity of choice, and clarity is not simply lacking in modern man, it is actively suppressed.
The free will hypothesis is fundamental to the modern perspective on life. Yet the modern explanation of life is resulting in a world of devastation and loss. Far from creating a great society living in harmony with the dynamic forces of the planet, modern perspectives promote activity that ultimately removes all options from mankind’s future. Hilariously, it is the supposed state of free will that ultimately destroys free will. Are we really to believe that people freely choose to live in a burnt-out wasteland populated by dead-end objectives? At this point, it would be timely to introduce various arguments concerning circular thinking, but this would just be rubbing the free will nose in their own rubbish.
Ultimately, the development of total body consciousness occurs due to the butchering of the young, and the reliance on free will as an explanation is developmental cowardice. The refusal to seek beyond the miracle of moving the body according to a mysterious process enshrines this state as free will, and suddenly grinds to a complete halt. Taken together, ego and free will are responsible for bringing to mankind the fear, terror, and anxiety that make them so easy to herd along. Far from establishing a holy baseline of conscious activity, the dualistic core of ego and free will provides the terms of enslavement once more, and it is the enslavement of the mind.
Thus it is that the argument for universal, unearned, gifted free will is both spurious and absurd. Modern people run around in endless circles, terminally ignorant of the forces that control them, lost in complete delusion concerning who and what they are. Modern hubris is unwarranted, and it will play a very large role in the continuing deconstruction of global society, which is happily marching along, despite all those thoughts, wishes, and actions to the contrary.
Here then, lies another source of Unbelonging. For modern man, it is Unbelonging to the truth of themselves.
The unfortunate result, for those who begin to understand who and what they are, is that the availability of that delusion of modernity actually decreases. Whilst one can still perceive and understand those narrow confines one is escaping from, one loses both the desire and the will to occupy them. The people who continue to shoehorn themselves into those crevasses become increasingly distant, as what passes for the substance of life is shared less and less. Thus begins to occur, not existential angst, or alienation in a crowd, but a different focus, a different trajectory, to the path of one’s life.
It is important to point out that all manner of communities exists according to themselves, based on all kinds of different factors. Model railroaders come together due to their love for the railroad. Classical music preservationists come together due to their shared objectives in society. The military comes together according to the duty to serve. In each of these cases, there is a smaller community of shared motivation, yet there is in each a sense of separation from the parent society. Before we make too much of the separation of the aware, we need to realize that mankind has always separated in order to further its’ study, expertise, and support.
Yet the Unbelonging we wish to examine here is an altogether different beast, if only because of one fact, and that is its utter lack of support in modern society. While there are strong motivations within the reward system to withdraw in order to study engineering, there are essentially only negative rewards in the Unbelonging of which we speak. This might at first seem confusing, even counterproductive until it is understood that the reward itself is the result of developing a more truthful, more genuine experience of self and reality. The ultimate premise of mysticism is that what is not known, can be known. The fact that this includes self-knowledge should not be surprising. In science, one develops means of very exact measurement. In mysticism, the self is discovered to be the tool and the measure.
The origin of Unbelonging can be as jarring as being sized up by the archon in a friend’s eyes. It can also be from a sense that life, as is explained by the overpaid sages of modernity, does not fit into any sensible review of the experience. It cannot happen unless one is willing to become intensely honest with oneself. It won’t occur without dedicated effort. That it is a natural state, given the perilous physical conditions of this sphere, is often ignored or even thrust aside.
Unbelonging is a characteristic of development, surrounded by a world of arrested development, which does not understand development or wish to understand it. Thus the divide in humanity doesn’t exist to be bridged, but to be recognized purely for what it is. One understands that the nature of humanity is to expand the definitions, experiences, and possibilities in the matrix of existence. This feature is simply built into the human model. In order to do so, the human mold must itself be expanded. The development that features Unbelonging does exactly that.
Mike has always lived his life on the edge, without a safety net. He is not a traditionalist, although he values tradition. He is not a social maven, although he values a functioning society. In fact anything you might think Mike is, he is not, thus he refers to himself as a nobody. His destiny has led him into the oddest of places, at the oddest of times. He is oft convinced that as in the Hymn of the Pearl, he is doomed to grope around in the dark, having forgotten who he is. His dream is remembering, and his writings are perhaps an ode to this process.