Zelensky’s Conscription Now Targeting Nursing Homes

Elders Flee for Their Lives

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Dissociated Press

Ukrainian nursing home operators are reporting a surge in walk-offs due to elders’ fears that Zelensky’s increasingly desperate recruiting efforts will target them next.

75-year-old retiree Cadger Starets, who recently went AWOL from the Kladovyshche Nursing Home in Kiev, explained during an interview at an undisclosed location: “They’re already grabbing 50-year-olds off the streets, beaches, shopping malls, ‘checkpoints, gas stations and other public places.’ Looks like they’re coming for us next.”

Ukrainian President Vlodomyr Zelensky denied reports that militarily unfit old people are next in line for the press gang treatment. “We understand that some nursing home residents have severe disabilities that prevent them from firing heavy artillery for a few minutes until they are blown up,” the heroic piano-playing president intoned. “Our recruiters have been trained to identify those cases and exempt them from military service. Only fully able, fit, militarily-trainable decrepit old farts will be forcibly inducted and sent to the front lines.”

Specifically, Zelensky said, old folks who are wheelchair-bound or severely mobility-impaired will be exempt. Those using walkers or canes, however, may still be drafted, as well as those unable to control excretory functions: “All of our troops lose control of excretory functions during Russian artillery strikes, so that shouldn’t be an issue.” Likewise, dementia will not be an obstacle to induction: “If it doesn’t stop you from being president of the United States, it shouldn’t stop you from dying on the front lines of a stupid, utterly unnecessary war.”

Zelensky added that his sugar daddy Igor Kolomoyskyi, who turns 60 next February, works in an essential industry, organized crime, and will therefore be granted an exemption.

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13 COMMENTS

  1. In Italy they taught in the schools to those of my age that in the I W.W. that there was a certain Enrico Toti who even with crutches was first enlisted and then threw one of his crutches into the front line against the Austrian enemies and the Austrians made him a martyr with which I, and others like me, were then educated.
    Does History teach or not?
    From yesterday the comment was first in moderation then deleted. I don’t know why or by whom. But I suppose.
    About Enrico Toti in Italy there is an important toponymy and several monuments.
    Here is the Corriere della sera in 1917 illustrating his “heroism”
    https://it.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enrico_Toti#/media/File:Beltrame_EnricoToti.jpg
    and here is the trumpeter Peter Sellers who, though wounded like Toti, plays the trumpet undaunted
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pu1oA62LufQ&t=15s

  2. Humorously ironic or ironically humorous but probably true. Remember Uncle ‘Dolf’s home guard memorialized in Al Steward’s Roads to Moscow? Even more ironic is that unlike the Red Army. Russia is fighting in Ukraine with a small expeditionary force and yet they’re kicking ass against divisions of AFU. In fact unofficially NATO’s best trained army which is nothing like the feared Wehrmacht at all.

  3. Ukrainian people are deliberately thrown to the slaughter, and this reveals the whole bloody essence of the Kyiv regime, which is trying to prolong its wretched existence with corpses for at least another couple of months.
    I can clarify that the whole of Ukraine was deliberately thrown to the slaughter. Everyone understands that the Armed Forces of Ukraine are technically weaker than the Armed Forces of the Russian Federation, and it is precisely because of this that sooner or later the war will be lost by Ukraine, however, they were forced to fight … without giving the necessary weapons at the time … this only says one thing: Ukraine deliberately kill and the greater the sacrifice of Ukrainians, the better for NATO. And this suggests that there is a war against the Slavic population, Slavic culture.

    • Slavic women are popular in human trafficking operations in Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Israel, etc. Men there don’t like their own women, but they do like the lighter Slavic women. I travel all over Turkey, and I work with Turks, Azeris, and Syrians for years on oil projects. I’ve yet to meet one that even liked Arab or Turkish women. I’m actually not kidding. They find their own women ugly.

      Also, the trafficking business is huge elsewhere. Here’s something for you to do Andrew: Go to google maps and type in the following coordinates: -7.430444, 72.442606.

      What does that look like to you Russians? I was told this was a loading dock for the Dark Fleet. Human and weapon trafficking operations, not for here, but for Solar System and Galactic trafficking operations. Do you Russians have any logical explanation for what this structure is?

    • @Mihail: i agree with you about human and sex trafficking. Eastern part of Europe is highly involved in it. Plus Ukraine. Their ladies are especially beautiful.
      About these coordinates: I’ll look it up after my working day (my country needs more gas and oil 😄) and probably share my opinion.
      Thank you.

    • Thank you Mr. and Ms. US Taxpayer. Biden is a criminal by anyone’s definition and should be removed to a cell block with the Orange Blob. But neither of them will pay any restitution. Hey, I think Mrs Fake Obama is defacating another book. Grab it cheap on Amazon before sold out!!

  4. Many of the current world “leaders” that push their countrymen into senseless wars have never been under fire nor even served in a military unit. This includes Mr. Backrub Biden and Bozo Zelensky.

  5. This is a lie, Zelensky knows that a wheel bound chair person can do his duty at the front line. They will be put in buildings with a bolt action rifle and Zelensky knows that these people will not run from the Russians, they won’t be able too!

  6. Great Kevin, or in penance should I say Dr. Barret?
    I cracked up laughing.
    In Italy they taught in the schools to those of my, honorable, age that in the I W.W. that there was a certain Enrico Toti who even with crutches was first enlisted and then launching himself to the front line against the Austrian enemies threw one of his crutches and the Austrians made a martyr of him with which I, and others like me, were then educated.
    Does history teach or not?

    Translated with http://www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)

  7. Old folks who are wheelchair-bound will be exempt, just for now, until Russia finish of striking fuel deposits and leaving us without gas for our vehicles. Next that, all those in wheelchair-bound also will be drafted. We will need some kind of transportation vehicle to can reach the batlefront.
    Signed by your clown president… on Kyiv, not DC. 🙂