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Biden, Over Chicken Kyiv Lunch, Renames World’s Strategic Waterways

From now on the Black Sea will be known as the Red White and Blue Sea.

BREAKING! Monkeypox Virus Escapes, Simian Death Syndrome (SDS) Cases Soar

"Vladimir Putin is making monkeys of us—literally!" the President solemnly intoned.

McDonalds Leaves Russia—Russians Gain Four Years of Life Expectancy

"Expelling McDonalds from Russia will save millions of Russian lives and go a long way toward addressing our demographic deficit.”

Twitter Censors “Uncle Adolf stands with Ukraine” Tweet

Making fun of Hitler and Nazism is now a crime in Germany.

“Freedom From Choice” Movement Demands Mandatory Vaccinations Against Free Will

“The real problem isn’t vaccine hesitancy, it’s the freedom of choice that makes vaccine hesitancy—and other choices I don’t agree with—possible.”

“Dress for Omicron Success! Wear ‘the Best Mask in Your Wardrobe'”...

The "mild variant" is coming - break out your N95s! -NYT

Will Vaxx Wars “Go Nuclear” in 2022?

If the nukes, the COVID, and the vaccines don't kill us in 2022, the psycho squirrels will.

Bill Gates Apologizes for Smallpox Vial in his Refrigerator

“After Melinda found out about my escapades with Jeffrey Epstein and left me, I stopped using the refrigerator..."

FFWN: Night of the Living Vaxxed

Legions of brainwashed undead are roaming around shrieking “must eat unvaxxed brains!”

Orange Alert! Al-Qaeda plot to just sit back and enjoy collapse...

Unfortunately, it might not be Constitutional for the government to impose a nationwide white suicide mandate—but the private sector could create a system of incentives...

Dear San Francisco: Please pay me not to shoot people. How...

$300 a month, no matter how many people you don’t shoot, is way too low. Surely human life is worth more than that!

Woke Resistance to the Taliban Begins Now!

"Drag queen soldiers from the Afghan Very, Very Special Forces are making their way to the hills of Pansyjhir in their outlandish pink wigs and glitzy sequined mini-skirts..."

Zuckerberg: Facebook’s new prayer app will spy on God, steal His...

"We've hacked God!" Zuckerberg chortled. "The commercial possibilities are unlimited!"

Final Solution to Israel’s Jewish Problem

Reflecting on my hypothetical Jewish ancestry, and eligibility for aliyah, I suddenly hit upon the final solution to Israel's Jewish problem.

Vax Resisters Need Experimental Capital Punishment Therapy

What the experimental gene therapy refusers need is experimental capital punishment therapy (ECPT) to permanently remove their refractory DNA from the gene pool.

Prince Philip gets his wish, reincarnates as deadly virus

Questioned on what it’s like to be a deadly virus, the Prince quipped: “It sure beats working!”

Football Is Anti-Semitic. Here’s How to Fix It.

We need to wipe anti-Semitism right off the gridiron. Here's how to start.

NBA Player will clean toilets for 5 years to atone for...

God gave the Irish whiskey to prevent them from ruling the world. But in another quantum timeline, He neglected to take that elementary precaution.

Five who used Marijuana in past exit White House — The...

If you smoked pot in the past, but quit, you're not welcome in the new Administration.

Grandfather arrested, grandchildren expelled for “possession and use of Dr. Seuss”

Jonathan Greenbutt of the Anti-Defecation League (ADL) hailed the FBI's turn toward "maximum enforcement" of the new anti-Seuss laws.

Fauci says pandemic won’t end till 110% of the population is...

"Obviously we’ll have to keep on living in COVID dystopia forever….bwa ha ha!”

Kushner Nominated for Peace Prize—Nobel’s Corpse Detonates Posthumous Suicide Bomb

"Who could have imagined that a genocidal Zionist scumbag like that Kosher Nostra slumlord Kushner would be nominated...?"

Iran’s Supreme Leader Wishes Trump a Happy and Carefree Retirement

The Iranian rahbar tweeted an image of an Iranian "shadow drone" casting a mercifully cooling shade over the poor orange-skinned sweaty ex-president...

Trump Aims to Beat His Own Record with THIRD Impeachment: “It...

"Only two other presidents in history have been impeached even once," Trump gloated. "I did it twice. Now get ready for number three!"

Trump Reveals “Absolute Proof Election Was Stolen”

“The bottom line is, I stole this election fair and square!"

Trump to Pursue Herd Immunity Through COVID-Laced Breakfast Cereal

“If every child in America ate a bowl of CoronaFlakes every morning,” the President tweeted yesterday, “we could achieve herd immunity in less than two weeks..."

NDAA Creates New Department of COVIDland Security (DCS)

DCS is tasked with “seizing and administering total and complete control of COVIDland”...

Appointing an Irish Muslim to the Supreme Court is controversial?!

Religion and politics don't mix...except when they do.

Trump to Dead Supporters: Vote Early and Often!

Trump calls on the deceased community to swing the election in his favor.

Facebook Bans “Jew Runs Facebook” as Hate Speech

“Calling a Jewish person a ‘Jew’ is an age-old anti-Semitic trope,” Zuckerb*rg explained...

Facemasks Not Enough—Now California Mandates Blindfolds Too

"Studies show that when you blink, your eyelashes scatter tiny droplets of moisture into the atmosphere, potentially contributing to the spread of COVID-19."

Ivanka to Hungry Unemployed: “Find Something New to Eat”

“There has never been a more critical time for Americans of all ages and backgrounds to be aware of the multiple pathways to caloric and nutritional sustenance..."

Professor Fired for Tweeting “All Lives Matter” Rehired After Recanting and...

"Nobody who thinks that any lives matter deserves to be employed in today's secular materialist academy, which holds that humans, and indeed life itself, are simply cosmic accidents, accretions of random mutations with no inherent value whatsoever."

Mutant COVID Strain Blocks Smell of New World Odor

If you can't perceive anything fishy about Jeffrey Epstein's "suicide"...

Trump Abdicates, Hitler Sworn in as US President

Trump's replacement, Adolf Hitler, has blamed Antifa for the Capitol Fire.

Minneapolis Mayor: Rioters Must Practice Social Distancing and Wear Masks or...

"The mayor's office recommends that citizens seeking to overturn a police car prior to burning it should first allow the officers inside to escape so as to avoid risking transmission of COVID-19..."

BREAKING! Mutant Strain of COVID is 100% LETHAL (Satire)

“What we’re saying, basically, is that everybody who catches this disease is going to die...”

Barr: “Reason for Keeping 9/11 Secrets Secret is Secret”

"And the secret secret reason for the secrecy of the second-level secret secret is still more secret."

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