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From now on the Black Sea will be known as the Red White and Blue Sea.
"Vladimir Putin is making monkeys of us—literally!" the President solemnly intoned.
"Expelling McDonalds from Russia will save millions of Russian lives and go a long way toward addressing our demographic deficit.”
Making fun of Hitler and Nazism is now a crime in Germany.
The wedding of the century.
“The real problem isn’t vaccine hesitancy, it’s the freedom of choice that makes vaccine hesitancy—and other choices I don’t agree with—possible.”
The "mild variant" is coming - break out your N95s! -NYT
“After Melinda found out about my escapades with Jeffrey Epstein and left me, I stopped using the refrigerator..."
Unfortunately, it might not be Constitutional for the government to impose a nationwide white suicide mandate—but the private sector could create a system of incentives...
$300 a month, no matter how many people you don’t shoot, is way too low. Surely human life is worth more than that!
"We've hacked God!" Zuckerberg chortled. "The commercial possibilities are unlimited!"
What the experimental gene therapy refusers need is experimental capital punishment therapy (ECPT) to permanently remove their refractory DNA from the gene pool.
Questioned on what it’s like to be a deadly virus, the Prince quipped: “It sure beats working!”
God gave the Irish whiskey to prevent them from ruling the world. But in another quantum timeline, He neglected to take that elementary precaution.
If you smoked pot in the past, but quit, you're not welcome in the new Administration.
Jonathan Greenbutt of the Anti-Defecation League (ADL) hailed the FBI's turn toward "maximum enforcement" of the new anti-Seuss laws.
"Obviously we’ll have to keep on living in COVID dystopia forever….bwa ha ha!”
"Who could have imagined that a genocidal Zionist scumbag like that Kosher Nostra slumlord Kushner would be nominated...?"
The Iranian rahbar tweeted an image of an Iranian "shadow drone" casting a mercifully cooling shade over the poor orange-skinned sweaty ex-president...
"Only two other presidents in history have been impeached even once," Trump gloated. "I did it twice. Now get ready for number three!"
“The bottom line is, I stole this election fair and square!"
“If every child in America ate a bowl of CoronaFlakes every morning,” the President tweeted yesterday, “we could achieve herd immunity in less than two weeks..."
DCS is tasked with “seizing and administering total and complete control of COVIDland”...
Religion and politics don't mix...except when they do.
"Studies show that when you blink, your eyelashes scatter tiny droplets of moisture into the atmosphere, potentially contributing to the spread of COVID-19."
“There has never been a more critical time for Americans of all ages and backgrounds to be aware of the multiple pathways to caloric and nutritional sustenance..."
Please stay at least six feet away from yourself!
"Nobody who thinks that any lives matter deserves to be employed in today's secular materialist academy, which holds that humans, and indeed life itself, are simply cosmic accidents, accretions of random mutations with no inherent value whatsoever."
If you can't perceive anything fishy about Jeffrey Epstein's "suicide"...
"The mayor's office recommends that citizens seeking to overturn a police car prior to burning it should first allow the officers inside to escape so as to avoid risking transmission of COVID-19..."
“What we’re saying, basically, is that everybody who catches this disease is going to die...”
"And the secret secret reason for the secrecy of the second-level secret secret is still more secret."
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