Home Tags Satire
Questioned on what it’s like to be a deadly virus, the Prince quipped: “It sure beats working!”
God gave the Irish whiskey to prevent them from ruling the world. But in another quantum timeline, He neglected to take that elementary precaution.
If you smoked pot in the past, but quit, you're not welcome in the new Administration.
Jonathan Greenbutt of the Anti-Defecation League (ADL) hailed the FBI's turn toward "maximum enforcement" of the new anti-Seuss laws.
"Obviously we’ll have to keep on living in COVID dystopia forever….bwa ha ha!”
"Who could have imagined that a genocidal Zionist scumbag like that Kosher Nostra slumlord Kushner would be nominated...?"
The Iranian rahbar tweeted an image of an Iranian "shadow drone" casting a mercifully cooling shade over the poor orange-skinned sweaty ex-president...
"Only two other presidents in history have been impeached even once," Trump gloated. "I did it twice. Now get ready for number three!"
“The bottom line is, I stole this election fair and square!"
“If every child in America ate a bowl of CoronaFlakes every morning,” the President tweeted yesterday, “we could achieve herd immunity in less than two weeks..."
DCS is tasked with “seizing and administering total and complete control of COVIDland”...
Religion and politics don't mix...except when they do.
"Studies show that when you blink, your eyelashes scatter tiny droplets of moisture into the atmosphere, potentially contributing to the spread of COVID-19."
“There has never been a more critical time for Americans of all ages and backgrounds to be aware of the multiple pathways to caloric and nutritional sustenance..."
Please stay at least six feet away from yourself!
"Nobody who thinks that any lives matter deserves to be employed in today's secular materialist academy, which holds that humans, and indeed life itself, are simply cosmic accidents, accretions of random mutations with no inherent value whatsoever."
If you can't perceive anything fishy about Jeffrey Epstein's "suicide"...
"The mayor's office recommends that citizens seeking to overturn a police car prior to burning it should first allow the officers inside to escape so as to avoid risking transmission of COVID-19..."
“What we’re saying, basically, is that everybody who catches this disease is going to die...”
"And the secret secret reason for the secrecy of the second-level secret secret is still more secret."
"With the president of the United States, the omnipotence is total. And that's the way it's got to be."
“Woe is me! Would that I had not hired the CIA to take Event 201 live!”
“Why wait for Easter? Why not be Foolish next Wednesday?” Trump tweeted.
Kushner has unveiled a new line of potentially profitable products that he says will “solve the coronavirus crisis just like I solved the Mideast crisis.”
“We now have it totally under control, it’s going to be just fine. All you have to do is wear a condom when you go out in public.”
"The coronavirus needs to vigorously scrub its hands, or more accurately its spike proteins, with pure bleach for a minimum of twenty minutes..."
"The CDC-CMC cites evidence that coronavirus first emerged not from snot sucked out of the nostril of a bat floating in a bowl of bat soup..."
"As a proud member of the most victimized and oppressed group in America, the Millionaires, Billionaires, Trillionaires, and Quadrillionaires—what we like to call the MBTQ community—I am appalled by Bernie Sanders' shameful hate-filled slurs..."