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Facemasks Not Enough—Now California Mandates Blindfolds Too

"Studies show that when you blink, your eyelashes scatter tiny droplets of moisture into the atmosphere, potentially contributing to the spread of COVID-19."

Ivanka to Hungry Unemployed: “Find Something New to Eat”

“There has never been a more critical time for Americans of all ages and backgrounds to be aware of the multiple pathways to caloric and nutritional sustenance..."

Professor Fired for Tweeting “All Lives Matter” Rehired After Recanting and...

"Nobody who thinks that any lives matter deserves to be employed in today's secular materialist academy, which holds that humans, and indeed life itself, are simply cosmic accidents, accretions of random mutations with no inherent value whatsoever."

Mutant COVID Strain Blocks Smell of New World Odor

If you can't perceive anything fishy about Jeffrey Epstein's "suicide"...

Trump Abdicates, Hitler Sworn in as US President

Trump's replacement, Adolf Hitler, has blamed Antifa for the Capitol Fire.

Minneapolis Mayor: Rioters Must Practice Social Distancing and Wear Masks or...

"The mayor's office recommends that citizens seeking to overturn a police car prior to burning it should first allow the officers inside to escape so as to avoid risking transmission of COVID-19..."

BREAKING! Mutant Strain of COVID is 100% LETHAL (Satire)

“What we’re saying, basically, is that everybody who catches this disease is going to die...”

Barr: “Reason for Keeping 9/11 Secrets Secret is Secret”

"And the secret secret reason for the secrecy of the second-level secret secret is still more secret."

Trump Asserts “Total and Absolute Control Over Everything”—Except His Mouth

"With the president of the United States, the omnipotence is total. And that's the way it's got to be."

Bill Gates Expresses Remorse for Unleashing COVID-19

“Woe is me! Would that I had not hired the CIA to take Event 201 live!”

Trump Doubles Down: America Will Be “Opened Up and Raring to...

“Why wait for Easter? Why not be Foolish next Wednesday?” Trump tweeted.

Jared Kushner Solves the Coronavirus Problem with Free-Market Initiatives

Kushner has unveiled a new line of potentially profitable products that he says will “solve the coronavirus crisis just like I solved the Mideast crisis.”

Trump Demonstrates Use of Condoms to Prevent Spread of Covid-19

“We now have it totally under control, it’s going to be just fine. All you have to do is wear a condom when you go out in public.”

Coronavirus Urged to Wash Hands and Self-Quarantine After Trump-Bolsinaro Handshake

"The coronavirus needs to vigorously scrub its hands, or more accurately its spike proteins, with pure bleach for a minimum of twenty minutes..."

Only Way to Avoid Coronavirus: Stay Home 24/7 Watching Coronavirus News

"The CDC-CMC cites evidence that coronavirus first emerged not from snot sucked out of the nostril of a bat floating in a bowl of bat soup..."

Bloomberg: “Bernie Sanders Is a Hateful Anti-MBTQ Bigot!”

"As a proud member of the most victimized and oppressed group in America, the Millionaires, Billionaires, Trillionaires, and Quadrillionaires—what we like to call the MBTQ community—I am appalled by Bernie Sanders' shameful hate-filled slurs..."

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